Just Lose Yourself
by Lamanth
Summary: ONE SHOT – Love, love makes all the choices for us. She can’t leave him and he won’t let her go. [KaiJulia]


**Disclaimer:** I don't own Beyblade or any of its characters, merchandise, TV rights, ect… (I think you get the point.)

* * *

Summery 

ONE SHOT – Kai/Julia. Love, love makes all the choices for us. She can't leave him and he won't let her go. Like all of my work this is just something that happened to float through the empty void inside my head. Like it or hate it please R and R as honest opinions are always welcomed as are random acts of worship.

* * *

Lamb: It's official I need music other wise I can't write, my brain just shuts down if I don't have my headphones on. But it can't just be any old thing it has to fit with the mood of the fic other wise I can't write either. It's bloody unfair.

**Muse:** Aww poor you (rolls eyes) life's not fair you what they say 'life's a bitch and then you die …'

Lamb: So kill the know it all voice in your head?

**Muse:** No!

_Dedi:_ I like Lamb's version.

**Muse:** You would.

_Dedi:_ Whatever. This fic is dedicated to **dong-chun-mei** cus she is a very loyal reviewer and we know she loves this pairing. So **dong-chun-mei** this is for you.

Lamb: As always sorry for any bad spelling and if you feel the need to through thing at me please wait until I've hidden behind the sofa kay!?

M**use: **On with the fic!

* * *

_You can kiss me in the moonlight,  
On the rooftop under the sky,  
You can kiss me with the windows open,  
While the rain comes pourin' inside,  
Kiss me in sweet slow motion,  
Let's let everything slide,_

* * *

**Just Lose Yourself**Julia's POV

The tears poor down my face as half blind I stumble trough the deserted park. A sharp stabbing pain fills my heart, and I can feel my blood pounding against my skull, a rhythmic beat that drowns out everything else. My chest feels tight and constricted, and I'm struggling for every breath I take.

The Russian night is cold, freezing almost and rain is already starting to fall. My long red hair falls lose and is blown about my face by the sharp winter wind, the fiery tresses are misty and damp. In my rush to escape the house I forgot to pick up a coat and now my skin is like ice to the touch and covered in goose bumps.

Don't think. It hurts too much to think. Concentrate on the moment, live it, breath it. Right now for me nothing can exists but the moment. The screams still echo around my mind, the pain threatens to overwhelm me and I can hear the rage that filled my brothers voice when he yelled down the phone at me.

It's not his fault, but it's not mine either. Our entire life I was always the one taking the lead, fighting for everything we had. Whenever he had a problem Raul would come to me expecting me to sort it, and I would, I did. I beat up the boys who teased him about living in a circus. I told him it didn't change anything when he finely told me he was gay. He's my brother and I care about him, but I can't live my life around him.

I guess we drifted apart, I stopped having to fight his battles for him but I still watched out for him. And then came the fight, one that I'll remember all my life. When he screamed at me to stop trying to control his life, that he needed space and why couldn't I just leave him alone. We got over it in the end, and it things were better between us. I found time to have a life of my own, to fall in love, to be happy.

I come to a stop on the wooden bridge, the surface is saturated with water by now and the steady rain has turned into a down poor. I'm drenched to the skin, my hair now hanging in a slick waterfall down my back, I makes no attempt to brush the water from my face. I like the rain I can pretend I'm not crying.

I grip the rail of the bridge so tightly that my knuckles show white. The pain throbbing in my head is almost unbearable and I can feel the screams of frustration growing within me. Whatever I do is wrong. He complained that I was smothering him not letting him live his own life, but now he is raging at me. Accusing him of abandonment. He can't have it both ways, he can't say he wants me to leave him alone but at the same time tell me that I can't leave him.

The wind is icy but I don't feel it, I don't feel anything except the pain and the sick feeling of inadequacy. I've spent my whole life putting Raul first and now all I want is for him to support me, but he won't. And I can't help but think that it's my fault and that if I was a better sister I would go back to Spain and be near him. But my heart wants to stay here. Here in Russia, among the ice and the snow where I found a love so intense that it burns me.

I want to howl in pain an let my rage and misery be washed away by the cleansing rain that falls splashing into the stream that runs under my feet. My legs feel shaky and my knees are threatening to buckle, it feels as if a metal band is being pulled tight around the inside of skull. Tears sting my eyes and my blood pounds in my ears. I release my grip on the rail of the bridge and take a stumbling half step backwards. A wave of sickness hits me and my feet, on the wet wood, slide beneath me and I wait of the jarring pain when my body hits the ground.

But there are arms around me, strong arms wrapping tight around my waist and torso. He pulls me close, holing me up as if I'm weightless as the tears cascade down my face, mingling with the icy rain water. I sob convulsively, shaking in his embrace. I start to mumble disjointed explanations, but he shushes me holding me tight, rocking me against him. I don't care how he knew I was here, all that matters is he is here and that he came for me.

My tears are blinding me, and I sob into his neck, muttering my brothers name. But again he silences me, tells me he already knows what happened. I don't question how he knows this, all I know is that my world has turned into a violent crashing sea, and that he is the only constant in my chaotic life. My rock, and he is soothing me, hands caressing my body, voice telling me that he will never let me go.

I nod blindly and in my heart I know that no matter what that I can't leave him, I'm tied to him now and always. I couldn't live without him even if I wanted to and I know that he will never let me go. My head rolls back as I try to look at his face, but rain lashes my skin, stinging my eyes and all I can see is the shape of him. His features are obscured from my sight and suddenly I was struck by an irrational fear that it wasn't real. That he hadn't really come after me and that I was alone.

And then his mouth is on mine, and I am drowning in him. His lips are filled with hunger and love, and as soon as they touch mine I feel a bolt of electricity surges over my body like a shock. A thrill sweeps through me as his hands pull me closer, it's seems like I'm melting into him.

Dizziness. I feel like I'm falling over the edge of a cliff, that the empty drop is tugging at me and he is the only thing holding me back. 'I'm in love with this man.' Is all I can think as I abandon myself to his hot kisses.

"Kai…" A half broken whisper, but he pulls me close cutting me off when once again his lips descend on mine. Don't think, just smell, taste, touch and feel. Putting my arms around his strong back, I hold him close as tears flow hot and free down my face. I feel as if I'm tucking his heart somewhere deep inside my soul. This man is my home. His mind, his body, his soul, everything about him is known, familiar and is all for me. He is the centre of the universe. Forever and ever. And right know this is all I need to know.

* * *

Lamb: (sighs) It nearly always seems to be raining in my fics, I think that's cus it's always raining here. Anyway ignoring the fact that they are both probably going to catch the flu, I hope it wasn't too bad.

**Muse:** I'm not going to comment.

_Dedi:_ Good! (glares at Muse) So **dong-chun-mei** we hope you liked it and please let us know what you thought.

Please R and R I'd love to know what you thought.

Big luv see ya

Lamanth


End file.
